You're Still You

You're Still You

So it came to my attention that things have changed after all these years as they should. Except for you.

You're still you.

You still stand by your mistakes. You still believe there is truth buried somewhere in your lies.

I should be mad. 

And I think I somewhat am. 

But more than that, I pity you. 

You poor little man. 

Hiding behind your lies. Hiding behind your pretend heroism. Hiding behind your false altruism.

You were asking how I'm doing. 

How I've been after you've abandoned me to pursue someone else? 

Or, in your words, to find yourself. To seek wisdom. To figure out what you really want in life.

You really don't have the right to know. 

You lost that right when you decided to leave. 

When you threw your promises away like nothing. 

When you gave up on me like I was nothing.

But to answer your question? 

I am doing more than okay. 

I have you to thank. 

If you didn't do it and never cheated, I would have held on. 

I would have settled with you. I would have been living a mediocre life. 

I would have dealt with your lies every single fucking day of my life.

Oh, you didn't cheat, you say? Let me tell you something about cheating.

Cheating is not just you fucking someone else. Cheating is when you're still with someone, but your heart beats for someone else. Cheating is more than just physical. It's your mind thinking about another person. It's your heart desiring them. 

They don't have to like you back. 

Heck, you don't need to be photographed holding hands. You don't have to be caught with your tongue inside her mouth.

You think about her. You long for her. You want her more than a friend.

That is already cheating, my sweet, innocent darling boy. 

Do you get it now?

via Photobucket

I digress.

So how am I doing? 

Let's see...

Definitely better off. 

Better than being with someone who can't resist temptation. 

Better than being with a weakling who couldn't stand the test of time and distance.

But you. God, you're still you.

Still the lying, deceitful, fake frog that you were years ago. 

My, how you've never changed.

I'm glad you're someone else's problem now. 

Because you...you're still you. 

How tragic.

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Dear Player,

Dear Player,

I know you were just experimenting in your youth. I know you were just curious.
You were just passing the time, playing.

But it was my feelings you played with.
It was my heart you used.
It was my life you experimented on.

How dare you.

You took advantage of my naivety. You used my untainted belief that love exists against me.

How cruel. How heartless. How careless.

How selfish.

I hope someday you find someone better than you in this game.

I hope someday you meet someone who is not as ready as you were with me when you are finally as ready as I was with you.

Then maybe when you lose, you will remember me, your training ground.

Good luck with your next game.


Photo: Google images


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I Deleted My Files...And You

I Deleted My Files...And You

Dear You,

I cleaned up my files today.

I deleted old docs that I have no use for now.  

I deleted previously downloaded music; music that you used to sing to me and music that my heart used to sing for you. 

I deleted videos with you in it and videos I laboriously created for you.  

I deleted some duplicate photos. And your photos. 

Photos of you and me, photos that reminded me of us. 

Or at least how I was when I was with you.

It is still kind of heavy clicking YES when the prompt question appears: Are you sure you want to delete these photos/videos?  

I’m unsure if I wanted to, but I’m sure I needed to.

When I was done cleaning up the ghosts of the past, I made sure I wouldn’t be tempted to retrieve them. 

So instead of opening the Recycle Bin to check, I just right-clicked it and chose Empty Recycle Bin.

Another prompt question:  

Are you sure you want to permanently delete these items? 

Again, I’m unsure if I wanted to, but I’m sure I needed to. 

It’s about time.

And who would have thought cleaning up computer files could bring heaviness in your heart and tears to your eyes?  

Photo: Google images

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7 Things I Hate About You

Dear You,

There are a number of things I hate about you, and I have summarized them into 7.  

I don't always hate you, don't get me wrong. Sometimes I miss you so badly, but there are days I would wish I'd never met you at all.

These things aren't all hateful and awful, but I think that's what's making me hate you all the more.

That didn't make sense at all, did it?

7 Things I Hate About You

1. You make me sound like a trying-hard copycat, making me write a blog with this title. It's not mine. You might get me arrested for this, you know?
   
   
2. I hate you when you try to psychoanalyze me. When you ask me a theoretical question and weigh my answer or present me with a situation and assess my comprehension and analysis. I feel like I'm under a case study. But you know what part of this psychoanalysis I hate the most? I love the challenge, and I love the way you make me think. It gives my brain the exercise it needs.  
3. I hate it when you lie to me with a straight face, as I know it when people lie, no matter how good they are. Maybe because it takes one to know one? Or maybe I'm just really good. Yeah, I think the caffeine in the tea made me say that.
   
   
4. You never listen to me when I say "no". Half of the time, I say "no" to you. Half of me wants you not to listen, but the other half is seriously pissed off.
   
   
5. I hate that you don't give a damn what people think about you. It makes you 10x cooler than the rest. And 20x dumber. And cuter at the same time. 
   
   
6. I hate your perfume. Every time I come near someone wearing the same perfume, I swear. And I never wanna swear. Like s@#*! I don't.
   
   
7. You made me take ridicules, criticisms, and risks I never thought I would. And then you just let it end. So I hate that you made me stronger. Because all I ever wanted was to be weak with you.

Photo: Google images


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Dear God, (A Cry For Healing)

 O LORD my God, I cried to you for help, and you have healed me.
---Psalm 30:2

Dear God,

I am really grateful you created me as a unique human being. I feel your support most of the time.

However, there´s a thing I can´t understand, really.

You made me suffer when I was so young and vulnerable. You made my beloved suffer in the most horrible way, and after some time I finally start to live again.

But God, there are some limits to suffering. Let me be happy. 

I hate you because I have eczema all over my hands.

It looks terrible and I can´t wear short sleeves. And I really don´t deserve this.

So please, do something about it. I am fed up already!!!!
Nothing works, but you can make it happen.

I don´t expect you to answer my letter, but please, do something with this issue.

I´m begging you.

And if you won´t, I´ll  be really pissed off.






Kisses,
Your dear daughter

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Guest post from Anonymous

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Dear Aihia Kashieka,

Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. 
Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing

---August Wilson

 

Dear Aihia Kashieka,

The last few years of your life was a terrible mess.

Life was devoid of meaning, the incessant whining of liars and gossips filled the cobwebs of your mind. Fear mashed up with loss turned you’re misery into epiphany. And you wrote it all down in a notebook.

A nondescript notebook that weighed more than any piece of jewelry. I wager that you’re sober now, and a little more closed off than usual but you’re not pushing people out again are you? Well if it’s the latter then it takes more than time to heal and reseal old wounds.

Sometimes you have to gash open your heart, so a sludge of tears can pour out into the drain, and cleanse you from the anxieties.

Have you met with change as well? You better learn to listen to her and befriend her for your safety. She does her job very well.

Change doesn’t take well with people who constantly believe they’re different and unique, and also to people who changes their clothes too often. Change comes in, and like a plague destroys everything in its path. Leaving a clean slate for hope to bloom once again.

Life is a constant wheel turning.

You must learn how to be calm in the face of reality. I know you’re doing well adjusting to that phase. I know you’re restless mercurial nature may have done more harm in your youth.

But if you hadn’t listened to your heart and feelings then what would have following an ordered and structured path given you in the end?

Listen carefully dear. You’re you. No matter how old or young, you are you. You’ll still be you in the future and in the past. Never doubt yourself and always learn to breath.

Maybe by next year you’ll finally find the answer to what you’ve been asking for, and the universe is kind enough to be cruel to you, so you can learn to depend on others for once.

It may get to you but you’re mistrustful nature is still there. You haven’t fully grasped how the darkness in your heart can seep out, and crush people with your sword.

Yes, you’ve always been a person who yielded her sword wisely, but you’ve always wanted to throw it down because you’ve yearned to love and be love, right?

Love hasn’t been too kind either. But I am happy to know that you’re finally embracing the darkness, and learning to use that to your advantage.

It’s a safe choice if you want to live and become a free woman. It’s dangerous if you’re not well-versed in the language of man and accepting in the darkness inside your heart.

I feel that you know where you’re going with life though you’re not quite sure where it’s headed.
Hopefully it won’t end easily. Your life and will eventually lead you to the right place in the right time.

Ciao.



With love from the past and beyond,

Aihia Kashieka


Photo: Google images


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Get to know Aihia more. 
Visit her blog at Fortune Cooky.

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Honest liars -- the psychology of self-deception: Cortney Warren at TEDx...

Some people believe their lies to be the truth. Understand what's behind honest liars -- the psychology of self-deception.

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You ^_^

Google images

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Who's Using Who?

Who's Using Who? 

dear you,

i remember you ranting about this girl once.

you said you hated her--- the way she talks, the way she judges people; a backstabber.

your word to describe her was "user".

you said that so clearly to me "she's a user."

now, i've heard you two are getting along well.

that you might be, wanting to go out with her. or have went out already?

so what's this? the user is now going out with the user?

another one of those times when you eat your own words.

another one of those times when you fall for the one you hate.

another fixation.

typical.


Photo: Google images

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In The Parallel Universe

In The Parallel Universe

In the parallel universe, we ended up together.

In the parallel universe, you never gave up on me.

In the parallel universe, you truly, honestly, sincerely loved me.

In the parallel universe, you knew better than let me go.

In the parallel universe, you're not weak, you're not a fool.

In the parallel universe, you chose me over her.

In the parallel universe, you fought back harder for me than I did for you.

In the parallel universe, we were happy.

In the parallel universe, I am still me and you are not you.

And so we lived happily, ever after.


Photo: Google images

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